Saigon

It's never right.
It's almost never funny.
And everybody still does it.

Being a fuck-up comes with being born. Controlling your desire to be a fuck-up is a discipline that if you haven't been taught by ten, then you lost the battle.
People love being a fuck-up almost as much as they crave success. The funny thing is, success comes with a much more complex and boring process, and it never depends entirely on yourself. BUT, fucking it up, is something you can easily do almost every day of your senseless life.

You cannot do it every day, because you have to win people's confidence so you can fuck up. But still, there are enough people in this world, gullible enough, so you can disappoint them by your unique way of fucking up.

Forgetting to call.
Falling asleep and missing a date.
Eating that piece of cake you shouldn't.
Speaking your arrogant mind, while drunk.
Blacking out and all the activities that come with it.
Cheating on your girlfriend, again.
Backing out on the moments of truth.

My god, so many ingenious ways of letting people down the list could go on and on. And some people just can't get enough.

Life is obvious enough so that when you're a grown man you know the few rules of game play. But knowing is not enough. Knowing beforehand that you are fucking things up is not simply enough. Threats or advices of your loved ones is not enough. Discerning the possible consequences is not enough.

Nothing can't stop the rush. The thrill of screwing your life and the life of others.

And you could say you don't know any better. But you'd be lying. Every person in his life has felt what's it like to do things right.

To score a goal. To be there for a friend. To help without obligations. Every one.
But that... is... not... enough.

You have to crash so you can really get it out of your system.

And the best part (or is it the worst?) is, when you become good at it, you learn that all this time, you have been letting yourself down TOO!

It's brilliant really. Nothing amazes me more than this sincere feeling of making things the wrong way. Without a target or motif!

Just doing it wrong because when the wreck arrives, it will be maybe more interesting, more amusing, more... more of this je ne se qua that we all hope for.

And it never comes. Each time you screw up you realize it's more pathetic, more pitiful, less glamorous, less interesting... just... mere... sadness. IF it's still SOMETHING, 'cause normally this sense of void is all that remains.

(sigh)

Ha ha ha! But we do it all over again! IT'S FREAKING AMAZING! Knowing this is not enough. And some people conceal it better than others, that's for sure, but we all carry it in our veins. We fool ourselves. We make pretend.

The higher human race, its reason and the labyrinth that comes with it. Everybody plays the game, like it or not. Everybody gets defeated, so that everybody wins.

And everybody... everybody loves being a fuck-up. And the farthest you get to fucking up, the more appealing it'll be.
If more of people's hopes and illusions are deposited on you, the more you'll feel the grotesque attraction of fucking it all up.

'Cause, listen well: being a fuck up is STILL not enough...

YOU HAVE TO BE THE BIGGEST.